January 2009
46 posts
Prompt: Energy
The crisis will be averted when I bring back a vintage mode of transportation: horses. So retro! First, I must paper-mâché disposable glittery horns that are easily applied to your horse of choice. That will get lovely gay boys and burlesque dancers everywhere to help me make the trend official. Then I shall sell minimalist mod fashion saddles on Etsy and write an article on Readymade. That will...
Epiphany.
Doing stuff…is more fun…than not doing stuff. I know that sounds obvious, but sometimes after eating a delicious meal cooked by husband after an 11 hour workday all a girl wants to go is slam a Heineken Light, throw on some dumpy cozies and watch The L Word. Laziness makes the doing of the stuff rather difficult. Although the Coulter household has seen several nights like this a week,...
Prompt: Inanimate Object
Navy blue gloves, free water bottle, bright yellow knit wrist warmer (why?), Diet Coke, shiny red cell phone, pirate mouse pad, open salt and pepper packets. One minute is painfully short. You try here and stuff.
"I'm not working with a woman".
Dear Internets, I thought you might like this goat. It is really ecstatic. I’m going to go dry hump on a building now. Love, Assface McGee See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.
Sorry, Starbuckians.
Yikers. Been there, felt that. OUCH. And some advice.
My horn can pierce the sky!
I want to be Princess Unicorn! At the very least for Halloween! But will settle for the doll and in turn settle for the t-shirt! See the magic here! I love exclaimation points! !
Magic glitter: missed it by just a few hours.
Stork Headquarters.
ATTN: Stork Head of Distribution RE: Pre-pre-order To What Avian It May Concern, As an addendum to my pre-pre-order dated April 1988 when I noted that I would surely be ready for your product by the time I was 25, I would like to extend my “hold” on said order for a future date to be determined. In addition, I would also like to include a few specifications that were overlooked the...
I want to be...
I ♥ this .
And the winner is...
Miss. America’d! Dlisted explained it best: “Wearing this dress is only acceptable if the year is 1987, you live in Arkansas, your name is Destiny and you accessorize this shit with a broken condom baby in your stomach and a six-pack of Natty Ice as your wedding bouquet. Oh and some Whitesnake song better be the wedding march.”
The visual...
…as snapped by the paps. Ok, promise I’m done talking about it. Maybe.
Book club anyone?
Currently reading: Just finished reading:
celeb sighting: Part Awesome
That sound you just heard? That was me. Squealing with pure delight. I’ve done it. It! I’ve reached my Everest. I saw Sarah Jessica Parker. !!!!!!! This is how I feel: I’m so excited I could vom. There are several serendipitous events that led to the epic encounter. It started when Cyrus was coming home from his 6:30 a.m. b-ball game at the Y. He passed SJP taking her son to...
How to make a commercial your average viewer will...
So, like, my need to get a life...
…confirmed and stuff.
The proverbial twist of lemon in my wound.
As seen on one of the goss blogs I frequent. Taken this morning. So, like, UGGs confirmed and stuff.
celeb sighting: Part Five I'm a GDMF-ing idiot.
Dooooooooooooon’t, life. UUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! These are just a few of the emotions I’ve been working through this morning: Yes, this morning we had a bona-fide USDA Grade A real McCoy Sarah Jessica Parker sighting. NO, I WAS NOT THERE. Husband took Walter on his morning walk solo because I had slept in a little too much. He was having trubs with Walter’s new foot...
"And the sun would always be shining..."
“They would say things like…Pizazz!, Fun!, Tell me more! I love you! Cute! and Lunch?” Something funny is The Rhinestone Files. Today, the illusive Agent Rhinestone reveals an entreprenuruel plan she has devised for herself and her BFFs. Thanks gawd I’m a part of the business plan. It sounds magical and just what I need back in my life! Here’s what really happens when...
celeb sighting: Part Four
Dear Matthew, I spotted you while walking home from work the other night. You were riding your bike, presumably coming home from a broadway musical rehearsal where you sung your manly little heart out in ironic nerd glasses. You whizzed right passed me on your racing Huffy. We made “yep, I’m Ferris Bueller and we’re totally neighbors” eye contact. Then a paparazzi D-bag...
THE funniest video on the whole wide web.
New Yorkie.
Many peeps, in lieu of asking me how I like living in New York, have asked “How is Walter liking New York?”. It is infinitely safer than asking me directly on the off on-chance you catch me having a hard day. Tip: Should you ask me how Walter is liking New York and I respond with “Right now he misses his friends, works ungodly hours and during his free time often finds himself...
Yep.
All passengers rescue'd!
Standing on the wings.
(found on flickr)
An airplane...
…apparently just crashed into the Hudson right this second. Right out my window. As in I can totally SEE it. And all the helicopters, rescue boats and ambulances lining the shore.
Drop that beat.*
INSTANT GOOD MOOD! In case you need a pick-you-up… SHAZAAAAAAM! *This post brought to you by my three minute post-coconut-water health high. Coming back down to typical eyeliner’d angst in 3…2…1. Ug.
So, partner asks "Woah, do we have two lines on...
“Yeah, I think so.” “Ok. Shit. Awesome. Let’s call two Chinese restaurants at once. Close the door.” MISSIONS ACCOMPLISHED AND SUBSEQUENT HILARITY ENSUED: -2 Chinese restaurants in Midtown (“what can I do for you” was answered with “what can I do for you” in the same tone) -2 Pizza Huts in NYC (made a possible love connection) -2 Chinese...
Overheard...
…in the very middle of the night in my bedroom. Breaking the silence with both enthusiasm and a few lip-smacking noises: “YUMMERS!” Thank you for the witching hour laugh, Husband.
stuff and things.
Moving cross-country requires a complete mind shift. One of the first of many exercises is letting go of personal items. Much of it felt good. Purging and recycling things that were weighing us down—college textbooks, outdated magazines, extra dishes, mismatched socks, piles of old receipts, broken lamps, etc. But some were things that I loved and reminded me of our past almost 7 years together....
LOVE LOVE LOVE!
♥♥♥♥CLICK ME♥♥♥♥
celeb sighting: Part Three God Hates Me.
This morning at approximately 8:32am I saw Sarah Jessica Parker swoop out of her brownstone and into a Prius Hybrid as the paparazzi snapped away and then jammed onto scooters zooming after the vehicle. Though I was only a quarter of a block away, I could only make out her coat, her stride and the speed in which she was trying to get the eff out of there. I did not see her face or make the...
OMFG, I do love meadows!
Tiger Beat me with a stick, I love The Twilight Books. The four books in the series literally and literarily got me through the very sticky transition from West Coast to East Coast. They allowed me to completely tune out all of my doubts, fears and sadness and just zone out on some good old fashioned teen lust. Which in my opinion, is one of the best kinds. I relished each of the 2,379 pages and...
Everything I know I learned from...
Dear Husband, You’re tote my forever-boo (not the “boo” intended to scare you). You sure ARE fly. Love, Jessica “commonly named ” Coulter PS: Seriously, I hope I didn’t scare you.
Noooooooooooooooooo!
One Bank...we get to share it.
Update in the life file labeled “M” for marriage. Husband and I just merged our lettuce and opened a joint bank account. We waited this long mostly because it’s one of those annoying life-maintenance things that take up a lot of time. In addition, It should be noted that I have always had this thing where I REALLY don’t want to lose my mystery with Husband. Grandma Black always told me, “If you...
Sit down and here's a little sumthin'.
Barack, you are the peach cobbler to my 3 or 4 johnny cakes. SO worth the wait.
booshit, booshit, booshit.
And the award for my favorite scene in any movie right now goes to…
Well the weather outside is weather.
It is a gloomy and doomy rainy day here in The Vil. A blue-coated, red-galoshed Paddington Bear kind of day. Being New Yorkish, I’ve already had several people make bad jokes about this Seattle weather. And it’s true, this is Seattle weather. Or when you’re homesick, better known as COZY Seattle weather. The city kind of weather that takes me back to the first time I lived in...
We are so fracked.
Dear Internets, Have you heard of Apophis? The Rose Bowl-sized meteor that is going to swoop right by earth in 2029 and then actually hit earth, on the West Coast no less, on April 13th, 2036? What. The. Frack. It was discovered in 2004 and named after an Ancient Egyptian enemy serpent that dwells in the eternal darkness of the underworld and tries to destroy earth. I’m surprised and impressed...
foxy.
baby fox: baby walter: toddler fox: toddler walter:
When Amanda Yelps, she Yelps so good.
So I’ve decided to try and follow in her footsteps. I’ll be posting Yelps here or you can be my Yelp friend.
Celeb sighting Part 2: BRODERICK ALERT!
Oh yes I did. This morning I (wisely) decided to join Cyrus on his walk with Walter. On our way out, we noticed about 8 paps in black leather jackets hovering by our front door. We drank coffee and walked to the hardware store to pick up a few things and on our way back something great happened. Something magical! I looked up and saw Mr. Sarah Jessica Parker walking up the steps of his brownstone...
The funniest thing ever. Like, ever ever.
I don’t recommend trying to do much of anything today. But it you have to do something, read the rest of this email string.
Like, love it.
This photo study is pretty rad. It’s a collection of the strikingly similar dress codes among specific demographics. Still searching for the Forever 21-only demographic. I’m sure it’s in there somewhere… A few stunning samples. Bimbos: Carry daddies: Speed freaks: Volunteers: Bouncers:
2008…
…also known as the year that kicked a lot of people’s asses. Each coming year, I always speculate if the previous New Year’s version of myself would have been able to guess all the things that would happen in the upcoming year. Let’s take a look at that version of a few of us and see if we look suspecting of the inevitable events of 2008: Yeah, I’m pretty sure those people aren’t thinking...
celeb sighting Part 1.5
This morning right as Husband and Walter walked outside to go on a walk, a girl zoomed by our front door. Following her were three frantic photographers on foot snip-snapping away and one trying to get the shot on a moped. I’m thinking it might have been the first sighting of our new neighbor known as SJP, though Husband didn’t get a good enough look. I was in the shower. Shit bollocks! Further...